The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
