Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
