mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
