I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
