He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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