just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
They have beer where we have blood.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
