I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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