one might say we're banned from that church
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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