I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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