the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
