Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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