I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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