You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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