my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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