Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
