I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
