so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
