a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
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