totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
