Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She told me I should be a condom model.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
