At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
