Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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