so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
