Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
