I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
