i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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