can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
