he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
We had to coat check the pizza.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
