I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
