just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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