Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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