Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
