Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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