Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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