I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
