I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
