No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
