Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
