I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
