Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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