You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
