I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
