So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just googled if crying burns calories
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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