playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
