FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
