Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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