Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize