I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
