i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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