I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize