We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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