Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
