All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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