Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
