So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
