Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
