you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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