I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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