we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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