are you still at the devil's house?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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