I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize