you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
