Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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