I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
