I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
