she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
