with your own penis?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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