I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
