If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
