I think I died a long time ago.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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