I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize