The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
