When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
