i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize